Tuesday, July 12, 2005

Cuisine... NOT!

I thought that the 1970s were an underappreciated decade. And then I found this on the internets. And I laughed so hard I couldn't breathe.

more...

This is just a sampling. For the full effect, you have to read all of twentysix of them in sequence.



"Chicken Liver Bake: enjoy it with the ashes of a loved one.

Or maybe what's left of the chickens are in that urn. Maybe the chickens were your loved ones.

But chickens never love back enough. And that's why you have to KILL them. And eat their livers ritualistically. And then they're a part of you forever. Forever."






"Um, where do I even begin here? Which bowl is Siegfried's? Which one is Roy's?

What is going on here? What? What is the meaning? Of Jell-O, and peaches, and huge-ass ceramic cheetah, and paper flowers? And... freaky dried pod thingies? What are those? Should we smoke them? Have we been smoking them?"






"Sometimes salmon will come to the big city full of dreams. Only to wind up used, and mangled, and reconstituted, and all tarted up in some kind of sick, horrifying salmon drag.

Look, it's still trying to spawn. With lemons. It's confused. Oh, man, so sad.

It's even more heartbreaking when they're young."