The ingestion of tradition

My campus paper reports that the USDA made a surprise visit to one of the student eateries a little over a week ago and found that some "meat and poultry dishes from several Hyde Park vendors did not comply with federal regulations."

According to Amy Conners, the general manager of Cobb, the food was problematic because the vendors required a processor's license from the USDA in addition to a restaurant license to sell prepared meat and chicken off-site. [...]

But, she added, a loophole exists that allows meat and poultry "between two traditional pieces of bread" to be sold legally.

I ask—what are "traditional slices of bread"? A Wonder Bread sandwich, I presume, would not count. But does the grain have to be sown, reaped and milled using only horses, mules and the occasional serf? Or does the labels "old fashioned," "country style," or "no trans-fat" suffice?

But that's not the only trouble with these policies.

Instead of obtaining processor's licenses, however, the vendors are selling similar dishes that replace meat and poultry with seafood, which does not fall under the same regulations, along with tofu.

Tofu, I understand. Even when it goes bad, you get soy sauce or something. But seafood? Seafood?! Yeah, ban roast beef and give shrimp a free pass! Botulism, people!